The 2011 Invasion of Texas

The Binns Family Reunion began in

New Braunfels, Texas on June 20th, 2011.

Paul's family is scattered from Utah, to Colorado, to Houston, Texas. And though we see most of them off and on throughout the years, it is quite a feat to get everyone in the same place at the same time, and for the same purpose. The last gathering was 3 years ago, when we lost our sweet niece Hannah to a rare form of brain cancer.

Glad to report that this was a happy reunion! And New Braunfels, TX is a place none of us had been before. Aside from the heat...I LOVED the area.

First item of business upon arrival...COOL OFF!

We have a crazy awesome family, and we had a fabulous time in the pool.

Day Two - was The Schlitterbahn. Heard of it? We hadn't either before booking this trip, but it is the world's largest water park. It was SO worth every dollar spent and every minute there. (And for obvious reasons, uh WATER, I didn't take too many pictures. And what I have doesn't do this place justice!)

Binns cousins! (Missing 3 of the younger ones...)

The "big cousins"

Lazy River!

My Pirate Princess and her ship!

Ah...to go back....

Day Three was San Antonio and The Alamo.

I have to admit I turn into a history junkie when we travel. I definitely didn't appreciate it as a kid; I just couldn't wrap my head around history from books and stories. So, before we left Utah, I went to the library and checked out books about The Alamo, because I couldn't remember what happened there. Guess what I learned? Davy Crockett was a real person...not just some guy Disney made up songs about. I tell you, I'm genius (rolls eyes)...

I could have spent the whole day here.

The Alamo

The Alamo Museum (Gorgeous!)

The Clan...missing two sisters-in-law

On to Day Four....Sea World San Antonio - Okay, I have been to Sea World San Diego a handful of times, and I admit, this was the day I was least excited for. Ya know the whole been-there-done-that thing? Wow. I was so wrong. It was completely different. The only thing that was remotely the same was the Shamu show! LOVED IT. My favorite part, the water-skiing show. Seriously cool. And I thought they only did that in movies!

Two of my most favorite people on the planet!

Day Five was set aside to catch our breath! We all went to see the new movie CARS 2, and swam in the pool. It was nice to even get a nap in after so many busy hours!

And the hardest day of all was day six. Hard for lost of reasons...but, two phrases will explain all: "family pictures" and "good-bye".

Not to worry, I have a release form from the photographer to post this!

Snazzy lookin' bunch o' peeps, eh?

Courtney saying good-bye to cousin Becca...and sobbing!

Good-bye really is the saddest word.

When I asked Courtney why she was crying she said: "We won't get to see our new cousins forever!" I agree Courtney, the next time we see everyone cannot come fast enough....

Mother's Day

I teach an adult class called Gospel Doctrine every other week at our church; and for the past 5 years of my motherhood, I've been busy with preparing and teaching every Mother's Day. This was the first year, having children, that I wasn't scheduled to teach one class or another...and I was SO looking forward to just enjoying it.

Word to the wise, never get comfortable! Just as I was reveling in my "enjoying", I was asked to talk to our whole congregation Mother's Day morning.

It is a very sensitive topic, Motherhood. Especially when you are hoping to adopt again...when you are aching for another child that you can't have, and have no control over the arrival of that child you so desperately want.

So, I spent the week crying. Thinking about how I wanted a large family, thinking about how great it would be to watch the girls fuss over a little brother...or sister (or both!). I thought about how lucky I would be to have more children. I prayed for more children!

I also spent the week learning. Motherhood isn't just raising children, but it is definitely that. Motherhood is a divine potential from God to all of His daughters! It means He has given us each unique talents and gifts so that we can all qualify for eternal increase in posterity (children!), wisdom and influence. Isn't that beautiful?!

And, despite how hard it is sometimes to accept God's timing...I am grateful that He recognized that I would need to receive my "maternity" through the glorious gift of adoption. I didn't just need my kids in my life...I needed the relationship of their birthmothers.

Being a mom is amazing, but being an adoptive mom? I just don't have words...

Rain...and Costumes

"Life is not waiting for the storms to pass,

but learning to dance in the rain."

That is one of my favorite quotes, though I'm unsure who I'm quoting. Suffice it to say, it's good but it's not mine.

I love rain storms. I love the smell of the rain, and the refreshing effect it has. I enjoy watching the lightning crackle against the sky, and I don't even mind the thunder. (I shudder over the worms that come out though, ew.)

For some reason, my kids are nervous about it. So, I taught them a little about dancing in the rain...

I never took dance classes though, and I prefer letting the

professionals handle the "official" training.

The girls' recital was a riot!

Marquessa is a born performer, and a natural dancer...she is just SO good. Courtney surprised us by actually doing most of the dance (at rehearsal she mainly watched the other girls), and taking a moment to pick her costume out of her behind.

I'm so proud of my girls!

Gettin' our "Redneck" on...

Okay, I have a confession...I am a hillbilly country girl at heart.

*Sigh*...I said it.

Ya'all heard it right, I'm part hick.

When my brother, Brandon was in town this past March, we got all the brethren (the 5 of my brother's, my dad and of course Paul), as well as my sister-in-law Holly, and we went to the-middle-of-nowheresville to have our annual "Shoot Out". Brandon even made us matching shirts, 'cuz we're all redneck like that.

Shoot, it was fun. (Pun intended, of course!)

That wasn't the only fun to be had though...Brandon being in town also meant cousins for my kids! We had a sugar cookie night at Grandma Kim's. There were sprinkles in just about every corner of grandma's kitchen for weeks!!

Silly girls...they love each other so much!

Marquessa turns 5!

I can't believe Marquessa is 5, nor can I wrap my head around the fact that she has graduated from pre-school and will begin kindergarten in just a few short weeks.

She was obsessing over pirates, and requested a pirate themed party to celebrate her birthday with her friends. She's still crazy about one in particular...Captain Jack Sparrow. And if you ask her why she likes this rouge character, you'll get a smile, a blush, a giggle and a response..."'Cuz he's hot!" I am in so much trouble...

Paul's brother Jim and his family happened to be in town on Marquessa's birthday, so we planned birthday party #2. We had such a great time at Bouncin' Off The Walls with the "big cousins".

Dinner with the family after exhausting ourselves, not a bad idea either!

We were excited to meet Anne and her adorable little family for another celebration of this pirate princess's birthday. Marquessa wanted to have pizza and go bowling, and that's exactly what we did!

There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not grateful to Anne for allowing me to be Marquessa's mom. And I am incredibly lucky that I can also call Anne one of my dearest friends.

February Fun...and not so fun...

The month of February is the shortest month on the calendar. You'd think then, that one could get away with spending less than in an average month...right? Not this year, not at this house.

February was a ridiculously expensive month!

The "not-so-fun" part: Between the 4 of us, we went to the doctor 9 times in 3 weeks. Between the office co-pays and the prescriptions, we spent more money there - than our 3 days in Disneyland (which occurred in the same time frame). I told the doctor this, and told him he could at least put us on a Merry-Go-Round for crying out loud. We had a good laugh over it.

The fun part was definitely Disneyland. 3 magic-filled days, 2 of which we spent with good friends - and 1 day enjoying a little family time.

(On Heimlich's train ride in Bug's Land)

Marquessa is now 40" tall...which meant, she could pretty much ride anything. She was NOT a fan of Space Mountain, and kept reminding us that "That was NOT good!" throughout the day. Her favorite ride was Soarin' Over California at California Adventure.

Courtney is just 2 inches shorter, but still got to ride on some things she hadn't the year before. Her favorite new ride was "The Mattahown" (Matterhorn). I'm so proud of her...we didn't have any potty accidents the whole trip! Way to go sis!

(Pirate Island, treehouse)

Lil' Courtney also turned 3 this month! Where in the world does time go?

Courtney is such a fantastic little girl. She is constantly making us laugh, and surprising us with her intelligence and wit. She wanted an "Ariel" cake...does this surprise anyone? I could have guessed it'd be Ariel, or a "Ducky" cake. I thought it turned out pretty cute. Courtney was happy with it, and that's all that matters! :)

We also had lunch with her birthmom, SaraJane, to celebrate. Courtney picked Pei Wei for lunch. (What is seriously funnier than watching a 3 year old try to eat with chopsticks?!) Her favorite foods are chicken, broccoli and rice. Pei Wei's got it all!

I love reflecting on how absolutely amazing Courtney's life journey has been so far, and considering the circumstances that brought her to our family. I love thinking about how special our relationship with SaraJane is. Paul and I were talking after our birthday lunch date with her...how Courtney's adoption would feel so hollow and incomplete without our knowing her. I'm so incredibly grateful to have gained not only a daughter, but an amazing friend...

Decisions, decisions

We've been asked about how we made some choices through our experiences in adoption. I thought it would be appropriate to answer them here.

What made us choose adoption?

After being married for 13 months, we decided it was time to start our family. 6 months later, I had an appointment with my "female doctor" and talked to her about our hope of having a baby. She told me not to worry, because on average it takes couples 18 months to conceive. I took her advice and chose not to worry about it for the next year.

Month 19 into our failed attempts, I had an emotional breakdown. I knew at this point that getting children into our family was going to be difficult, and it was really hard to accept. Nobody I knew had fertility problems. I felt so alone, so isolated, and so discouraged.

We went through a few fertility tests and discussed options with multiple doctors. (Which, in itself is invasive and horrifying on so many levels.) When we were faced with all of our options, we concluded that if we were going to spend thousands, or tens of thousands of dollars, we wanted results. Doctors could not promise results, just possibilities.

"Results" we could get through adoption. And we proceeded with the process.

How did we decide which agency to use?

Not knowing where else to turn, we talked to our Bishop (LDS/Mormon), who gave us the direction to go through LDS Family Services. It was safe. It was familiar, being connected with our faith. It was comfortable...well, as comfortable as you get in a situation like this.

The paperwork and process was extensive and shocking. We felt so violated and mistrusted. Background checks, intrusive home studies, several interviews about us and our childhood... It was exhausting and frustrating. It was terrifying.

Once the paperwork was done, the real waiting game began.

(I'd like to note that during this "wait" - that is when my heart changed. I experienced extreme grief and sadness. But, I also discovered reasons for being happy and excited for the new adventures through adoption. This waiting period changed me in profound ways...though it took time.)

We waited with LDS Family Services for 4 years when we got an interesting phone call. A birthparent caseworker contacted us and asked us to house a birthmother who had chosen to place with another family. Having waited for so long, it wasn't easy to answer, and we asked to have a few days to think about it. Every reason we came up with to say "no" sounded so selfish, and we made the decision to have her in our home.

It was so hard to have a birthmother live with us. She had something we wanted desperately, but had committed to giving to someone else. She taught us something no one else could have: how incredibly special and unique every birthmother is. She opened our hearts and our minds to the possibility of having Open Adoption relationships with our children's birthmothers. I owe her so much for this lesson!

When did we know it was time to change agencies?

After we'd had the birthmother in our home, we discussed what other options we had. We knew at this point that our baby was going to come from whichever agency his/her birthmother felt comfortable. We felt strongly that it was time to move out of our comfort zone (LDSFS)...and search elsewhere for our baby. We looked into several agencies, we even talked about Foster Adopt programs. We never felt satisfied with the answers and places we looked.

3 months following the departure of the birthmother from our home, we received a phone call from Heart & Soul Adoptions. We talked at great length about their agency, and most importantly about the baby they felt was ours. The situation was (from our perspective) rocky and challenging, at best. The possibility of it working in a way that we could keep her, wasn't terribly high at that point. Crazy as it sounds, it just felt right. We knew that this little girl was meant for us. It was nothing short of amazing.

30 days later...we met our first little princess, Marquessa, for the first time. And 30 days after we had her home, we were excited to find out that we were going to be able to finalize!

She joined our family 7 1/2 years after we were married, approximately 6 years after beginning our attempts for "homemade" babies, and nearly 4 1/2 years after going through the paperwork and processes necessary for adoption.

2 years later - we went through Heart & Soul to adopt again, because we knew that's where our baby was coming from. We'd only had our paperwork in for 5 days before we were told Marquessa would have a little sister.

Now...we feel very strongly to have our paperwork through LDSFS once again. Our profile should go "live" very soon. When faced with the process again, I came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to get frustrated...because if I were a birthmom, I'd want to make sure that I was placing my baby somewhere safe and loving. Whoever said "attitude is everything" wasn't kidding. It has been so much easier to go through the process this time.

Decisions.

Sometimes the decisions we make are for our benefit. Other times, it is for the benefit of others. But every decision we make affects someone, in some way. Hopefully the decisions we make affect us, and those around us, in positive and inspiring ways.

Thanks to all those who lift and inspire me and give me reasons to become a better person...